Introducing Polarized Pit Viper Sunglasses

Easily the most revolutionary technology
since the iPhone.

Yaaaaaaas

Real figures that definitely are not made up.

Thinner light weight
polarized lens.

0.5mm

Beat that Apple.

Look At Our Apple

Number of
color options:

3

Radical!

That's Da Bomb

Lighter than their predecessor by a whole

12.7g

Save Weight.

Go Faster

3D Compatible

Ready for three dimensions. It's like we've thought of everything.

Red, White, Blue and Polarized. If Betsy Ross was designing sunglasses and not the American flag, she would have created these.

I Almost Just Shed a Tear

Fake figures that definitely are made up.

People Who Asked
"if these were polarized"

2.3M

YES. Sheesh.

Buy Them Already

Increase in fish you will claim to have caught:

+189%

I'm Hooked!

Cast Your Line

Anticipated babies made because of these:

4K

Get it on.

For a Good Time Click

Technology

Is another word we know how to spell correctly.

And these puppies have a rainbow mirror and polarized lens that makes them easily the most radical Pit Vipers of all time.

Oh S**t These Are Mine

Golden Ticket

The next generation of gold Pit Vipers.

The original gold mirror lens revolutionized Pit Vipers with copious 'bling'. This is the same but now it is harder to see the screen on your phone.

Yay For Polarized Lenses

90s Version

Prefer Windows 98 over macOS?

Take Me There

Why polarized.

What's the big woop? How come everyone and their step-cousin wants to sport some polarized lenses? That is what we were asking ourselves so we did what any good millennial would do. We Googled it.

Sure did! Thanks Google!

Disappearing act

It's nearly impossible to see people without polarized lenses.

Don't take it from us. Take it from this image we found. It's like they aren't even there!? Don't be careless with other's existence.

I Care About Existence

Another Witty Joke

Why not just keep going with this content?

I mean, we'll probably run out of stuff to say eventually, but for now this is feeling reeeaaal goooood.

You Can Feel Good Too

That was trippy.

Did anyone else notice that the animated gif was of the text that you were reading? How did we do that? I feel weird now. Let's keep this moving and pretend like that didn't happen.

Girls on a boat

That's so much better. Looks like you would have fun with these.

It's obvious from our research that the polarized lenses directly result in increased fun... and boats.

Always Wanted One Of Those

Seriously. A boat.

Just think, your very own boat. Sure sounds awesome.

Guess you will be needing these. Fortunately, it is a relatively low investment compared to the enjoyment you will get out of them.

If You Buy It They Will Come

Recap

Let's take this opportunity to be sure you got it.

To live a happier, more fulfilled life, give your

to Pit Viper.

Take My Money Please

No matter what science tells us, polarized lenses are death magic

And to be feared.

Give In To Fear

We're right behind you so you better buy them

OR ELSE.

No Pressure Though

90s Version

Prefer dial-up over fiber?

You've Got Mail